Reluctance
by didsomeonesayventus
Summary: "She'd need to be thrown into the fray. The way HE learned it. His mouth tightened into a thin line. He'd already sworn time and time again Kairi would never just be shoved into combat. He would never forgive himself if that happened. She had the opportunity to learn like she was supposed to that was already the path they agreed on." Bafred out feels have a good time implied SoKai


Sora watched Kairi demonstrate her skill with her Keyblade. His eyes followed the flowery thing with critical accuracy, not missing a beat and occasionally frowning for the briefest second. She was good... For someone who was still taking lessons in the early stages. She was still far from mastery. She could've taken out a shadow or two in a minute or two, decently take on soldiers, but she seemed to be underestimating the true concept of battle. It was more than the sparring games Sora would play with Riku and she seemed to not be thinking about that.

Sora hated to think it but it would be hard to get her ready for the battle on the horizon. Not like this "safe" training. She'd need to be thrown into the fray. The way HE learned it. His mouth tightened into a thin line. He'd already sworn time and time again Kairi would never just be shoved into combat. He would never forgive himself if that happened. She had the opportunity to learn like she was supposed to that was already the path they agreed on.

It took him a moment to realize Kairi was finished. He blinked, "Uh, what'd ya say Kairi?"

She pouted and leaned in with her hands on her hips, "You goofball. You zoned out didn't you?"

Riku didn't help Sora's case, "Yeah, he did."

"D-did not!" Sora protested, "Your attack patterns were just very mesmerizing!"

"Sure..." Riku grinned as he picked up on Sora's unintentional double entendre, and he teased "Her 'attack patterns'..."

Sora realized what he said and his face became red as a stop light, "I-I DON'T MEAN ANYTHING LIKE THAT!"

Kairi giggled. She swayed around on her heels and swung Destiny's Embrace in the air. After a moment of letting Sora stew in his embarrassment, and indulging in such, she rerouted the topic, "So? Am I good or what?" Her smile flickered at Sora and Riku frowning at each other.

"Y-you tell her." Sora mumbled.

"You kidding me? At least she'll go easy on you." Riku mumbled back.

"What are you two saying?" Kairi snapped, "I'm right here you know."

Sora fussed with his fingers, "You're good..."

Riku reluctantly added, "But you still got a long way to go."

Kairi's silence devastated both of her boys. She shrugged, then nodded, "I suppose I'm not that good-"

"No! Y-you're really good!" Sora blurted, "Just..." He stopped and tapped his chin, "Just..." How was he going to say this?

Riku tried his blunt way of saying things, "You're a good fighter Kairi, but you're not improving at a fast enough rate-"

"I'm gonna fight with you two! I'm gonna fight Xehanort!" Kairi yelled at them, "I'm tired of being left behind! I'm tired of being dead weight to you guys!"

Riku seemed to be silently facepalming at his tact while Sora was backpedaling, "Kairi! Kairi you're not dead weight-"

"ADMIT IT THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER BEEN!" Kairi shrieked at them. After a moment she wiped at her eyes and walked past them, "Don't say anything." She began muttering about herself, and maybe a few exasperated lines degrading boys were sworn.

Sora grabbed her hand, "Hey, Kai-"

"Don't wanna hear it." Kairi snapped at him.

"Listen," he hesitated, "Kairi... there's a faster way."

"Sora, no." Riku told him, "We both agreed-"

Kairi shook off Sora's hand, "If there's a faster way then why aren't I-"

Sora then quietly wrapped his hand around her shoulder, "Can we go to the courtyard and talk about it there? There's a reason me and Riku aren't teaching you the faster way."

Kairi bit her lip and thought a moment, then shrugged and let Sora take her down the winding myriad of steps of Yen Sid's tower. She sat down on the steps outside with a pout and crossed her arms, "So, why am I not learning how to fight the fast way?"

Sora sat next to her. For a moment, he didn't answer her, making Kairi think that just maybe Sora dragged her down here so she'd wail on him instead of Riku. Sora clasped his hands between his knees, "The explanation is not complicated, but it is hard to say."

"That doesn't make sense, Sora." Kairi retorted, "If it's not complicated then you just say it! That's not like you."

Sora (for once) seemed to be choosing his words incredibly carefully. He said, "You know how Riku and I learned how to use our Keyblades?"

Kairi hugged her knees, "You two were taught, right? I mean, you fought on a daily basis but you got instruction of some kind from... people. Whoever was around. In your case it was Donald and Goofy, and I guess for Riku it was mostly Maleficent, Ansem, and King Mickey."

Sora shrugged, "Kinda right." He took another pause. "You see, while I know Donald and Goofy taught me some stuff, we mostly learned on our own." Sora closed his eyes into a wince at Kairi's quiet gasp, then continued, "We were thrown into the fray and basically taught 'you screw up you die'. You learn incredibly fast that way, when your life is on the line every second, but there's a whole lot of risk." His hand drifted to his side, "You saw that."

Kairi drummed her fingers on her knees, "You were stronger then! If you fought Saïx at the level you were at before-"

"I'd be dead." Sora cut her off. "You see, Kai, we're all human. Our hearts- even if they guide us through the deepest darkness, the most blinding of light -make mistakes."

Kairi shrugged, "You don't make mistakes then. Not when you're fighting."

Sora shrugged in reply, "Easier said than done." He quietly pointed to some indiscriminate scar on his arm, "A shadow bit me," a spot between his shoulder blades, "I wasn't watching my back properly," his side, to reinstate the wound there, "I was too busy watching Saïx to watch where his sword was," his back, "I underestimated neoshadows and got pinned," his heart, "While I was forced into it, really, I was impulsive."

Kairi knew exactly what he was talking about with the last one, "Sora, there wasn't anything else you could do."

"I could've held your heart with me until I found a safer way." He said, his hand clenching over the scar beneath his shirt, "I didn't have to do that the worlds were without a Keyblade wielder with a gate open to a massive source of Heartless-"

"Sora there was me-"

"What if you couldn't bring me back? How long would it take for you to wake?" Sora snapped at her, "How long until you could fill my shoes?"

Kairi pouted at Sora, "I don't know, they're pretty ridiculously big." Sora's guilt-ridden look softened into a smile and a laugh. Kairi held his shoulder, "As you were trying to say to me, we all make mistakes."

Sora took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah this wasn't supposed to be me whining." He smiled, "Not about something that came and went."

Kairi backed away and curled up again, "But I get your argument. Your faster way is the way you and Riku learned, which I could end up getting hurt." She shook her head, "Sora, if I'm with you guys I'll be fine."

Sora's smile faded away. He then said, "Kairi, what would you do if a Heartless was about to kill me and I didn't notice?"

Kairi gave him an anxious lip flutter in reply, "What kinda question is that?"

"One I want you to seriously think over that's what." Sora told her.

Kairi did so. She then said, "I suppose I'd get between it and you and try to block it." She noticed Sora's face tightening, "You okay?"

Sora looked inches from having his cheery demeanor shattering, but he shook his head and kept his sadness to a frown, "Well, not the answer I wanted to hear, but if that's what you believe you'd do then I suppose I can't stop you."

His fingers tapped around for a moment. The air filled with nothing but that tapping. Sora looked way from Kairi, observing the stars like he was trying to hide something.

"If you don't want me to, I won't do that unless it's absolutely necessary." Kairi told him.

"Kairi," Sora whispered, "did I ever tell you about that time I almost lost Goofy?"

She paused, "... no, I don't think you did. He's safe and sound so I suppose it wasn't that bad."

Sora shifted his position and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "Well it was the Battle of a Thousand Heartless..."

"Riku told me about that fight," Kairi interjected, "he said it was a real pushover."

Sora's hands clenched, but he continued, "We just got done fighting Demyx, and I was just... Raring to fight someone. Anyone. I was still on a bit of a runner's high, looking for a fight. His Majesty caught up with us, and I thought he'd scold us for not following what he told us to do. Instead, he was happy we joined the fight despite his orders for us to look for you and Riku."

"What on earth does this have to do with Goofy almost being lost?" Kairi mused aloud. She realized what she'd said and added, "Sorry, sorry, just confused."

Sora nodded, "Well... We were about to continue on to the real battle when..." Kairi could hear Sora struggling past the lump in his throat, "t-there was a Heartless fighting with a Nobody on a cliff nearby... A rock got blown off..."

It suddenly hit Kairi what Sora meant by "lost".

"I-it was heading for His Majesty and... G-goofy was the only one who noticed. He yelled for us to look out and shoved King Mickey outta the way and... And..."

Kairi held a hand to her mouth, "Oh gosh."

Sora seemed to have trouble keeping himself from breaking down, "The rock hit HIM and he skidded... Hit the wall... H-he wasn't moving... Donald said something, I-I can't even remember what. Heck I can't remember what I said... I was trying so hard, so hard to convince myself Goofy was only asleep, h-he'd get right back up and say he was okay it would only take a minute..." Sora's voice was choking and croaking, "And then Donald just... Made this noise... This horrible, terrible, mournful noise and I knew- for that moment -Goofy was... He was..."

Sora took a deep breath, muttering, "It's okay, it's okay... Goofy's still around... He didn't..."

"Did he actually... Kick the bucket?" Kairi hesitantly asked.

Sora was still taking deep breaths, and he leaned back against the steps. "No, no he didn't... Move on." He explained, "We found out later Goofy just got knocked out." He heard Kairi's confused and relived sigh and explained, "Just remembering that moment where it could've really happened just... freaks me out."

Kairi scooted back closer to him and rubbed his shoulder, "Hey, take all the time you need to recover."

Sora took another gulp of air and nodded. He then continued, "For that moment, I was in denial. Goofy's asleep, no way he go down that easily, you know? And then Donald... Well, you know his temper, it's pretty short, but he just howled in rage and ran off, followed by King Mickey... I hesitated, but just seeing what happened to Goofy..."

Sora asked, "Kairi, do you know what I felt?"

"You were sad?" She suggested.

"Kairi," Sora said, "I was angry." He let the words sit in the air and sink into them. The idea that grief so quickly became steeped in wrath. "I was furious," Sora continued, "I was seething with rage as I ran down the path to the canyon. I was just a burning, raging fire as I killed Heartless after Heartless." He sighed, "I don't know who or what to blame for what happened now, but at that moment I was consuming myself in a driving fire for revenge. I just killed and killed, without even thinking about it. I was blind with wrath."

Kairi nervously continued rubbing Sora's shoulder. She had no idea Sora could get that mad.

"And you wanna know what happened when I caught up with Donald and King Mickey?" Sora asked.

"What?" Kairi replied.

Sora's voice cracked again, "I was empty. The anger took away everything from me. I didn't know what to think, what to do. I was tired, and there was nothing to help me. I was fine, but inside I was collapsing. I didn't want to just smile off that one. I couldn't." He sighed, "Goofy turned out okay, but I'll never forget those feelings. I don't want to feel them again."

"That's why you asked." Kairi noted, "You... Gosh if you lost me..."

"I don't know what would happen." Sora said with a nervous laugh, "If anything would drive me for the edge and into darkness... It would be that."

Kairi leaned over, "Well, it won't happen, and the reason is I will do everything in my power to stay safe." She rested his head on his shoulder, "The darkness can't have you anyways. I'll train twice as hard to make sure your butt stays in the light like it's supposed to."

Sora laughed and wrapped a hand around her, "Thanks for understanding Kairi."

* * *

>barfed out feelings because HEY GOOFY DIED THAT ONE TIME AND NOW SORA'S PROBABLY TERRIBLY INSECURE ABOUT LETTING KAIRI INTO SITUATIONS LIKE THAT<p><p> 


End file.
